I Might Be a Redneck
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m actually quite proud of some of my redneck characteristics at times. The term “redneck” is not as derogatory as it used to be; in fact online dictionaries haven’t caught up with what a modern redneck really is. I checked a couple of online dictionaries and they define a redneck as a slang term, used as a disparaging term for a member of the white rural laboring class, especially in the southern United States. A white person regarded as having a provincial, conservative, often bigoted attitude. I also found this: A mentally challenged white male, usually from the South with an IQ of a beaver. They are characterized by: ignorant, intolerant of others, isolated in their own little world, uneducated, marry their own sisters, live in a run-down trailer, claim to love America but carry a Confederate flag, vote against their own interest, and politically inept. That’s pretty harsh.
But times have changed, and these days there are a lot of people who use the term with pride, a statement of their resourcefulness, ingenuity, ability to live off the land and survive, for their love of the outdoors and all things related to the outdoors. That describes me pretty well.
My latest act of redneckism came last night when I was faced with a dilemma; my uncle and two cousins are coming to town this weekend and Kyle and I are taking them fishing on the South Platte. I decided to rig up four fly rods to save time Saturday morning so we can get right on the water. Even with Kyle helping, rigging four fly rods with two flies on each (tiny flies at that), weight, and strike indicators would easily take half an hour. So I felt quite proud of my industriousness by assembling all four rods (I won’t be fishing, just guiding).
Then a problem dawned on me; just setting those rods in the back of the truck would just be asking for trouble, especially going down the rough road at Night Hawk Hill. I pictured a knotted mess of fly lines, flies tangled together, and me looking like an idiot when I would have to restring everything while everyone stood by waiting to go fishing. That’s when I decided I need a rod carrier, but the closest place to get what I wanted is Bass Pro Shops, which is quite a long ways away. This is when I had my brilliant redneck idea; I would make my own rod holder!
I took a couple of wall-mount rod racks that I had laying around to use to hold the rods, then took some scrap lumber and made a frame, and finished it all off with a bungee cord to hold the reels in place. I was quite proud of myself when I finished it, and it will work great. However, as I was admiring my handy work, I thought “Oh man that looks sooo redneck!” To make it worse, the long piece of wood I used for the upper rod holder was a bit warped, so the top rack sits a little sideways. There I was with $1,600 worth of fishing gear strapped to a pine rod rack held in place with a bungee cord.
Oh well, I really don’t have much choice, unless I want to take the rods apart and waste time Saturday morning when we could be fishing. My uncle and cousins will understand, they are kind of rednecks too. But like I said, the stereotype of a redneck is changing I think, and I am in no way ashamed to admit that I am a bit of a redneck.
No, I have never gone to Sea World and taken a fishing pole. My dog does not have ten lawsuits outstanding against him. My ex-wife never weighed more than the refrigerator, which was never in the yard. I have never mowed the lawn and found a car. I don’t think mud rasslin’ should be an Olympic sport. I know the stock market doesn’t have a fence around it. I don’t need an estimate from my barber before I get a haircut. My toilet paper doesn’t have page numbers on it. My coffee table was never used as a cable spool. I do not have a stuffed possem’ in my house (not any more). And I have never used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
Being a redneck is not a bad thing anymore, at least in my opinion. I am self-reliant, resourceful, ingenious, fearless, and a country gentleman at heart. Someone recently told me that I am even charming. I’m sure a lot of my readers feel the same way about the new redneck. I look at who is reading my posts, and there are plenty of pictures of guys and girls in trucks, holding up a fish, kneeling beside a harvested deer or some other animal, showing off their newest buck knife, or many similar types of things that distinguish them as outdoors people, and there’s nothing wrong with that.